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The mammoth twin earthquakes that shook Nepal only a few months ago seems like a distant blur of the past.It seems like Nepal has already recovered - without even allocating a single penny from the raised $4 billion dollars that sits precariously in the mouths of a handful of crocodiles. But those things barely concern us because we are, as the darling medias around the world has portrayed us - a nation of "resilient" citizens. We move on!
And what better timing to move on from a tragedy so morbid to a fodder that unites all of us in Nepal (I mean Kathmandu)- bashing India without any inhibition. What is pretty laughable is our political dimwits who couldn't take a dump in the morning without the blessing from Delhi are suddenly patriotic, unwavering leaders taking a strong stance against India protecting our sovereignty and constitution. In retrospect, we've gone back to the status quo - where we're not only bashing India, but giving legitimacy to the thousands of "Tharus" and "Other Madhesis" whom we've deliberately assigned as Indians and kept in servitude in the capital. Yes - we can now do that in the open. Congratulations!
I am quite befuddled which "expert" in the social media should I defer to for a candid analysis of our newly written, coveted constitution. If I read on my own, I might actually learn the truth - so should I believe the black flag bearers of FB and twitter, who claim the constitution is the most oppressive in the world that victimizes rights of women and minorities? Or should I believe the patriots who say this is the most liberal of constitutions that has even included LGBT community and stretching further would make Nepal another Fiji. To the latter experts, no one in Nepal really knows where's Fiji - i think most of them think its a mountain in Japan - so please stop using that analogy.
Anyways, in all honesty, this is a futile debate about constitution.The bitter truth is we, the people of Nepal, just cannot live in harmony. The false sense of unison the earthquake provided has fast dissipated with incidents in Kailali and rest of the Terai and shown how quickly we revert back to our "real" selves and fighting tooth and nails to prove each other as being beneath (darker) from one another. Have you seen two Nepalis in Nepal or elsewhere form a formidable partnership? Yes - I thought so too. Sorry Nepal, we just don't have a harmony gene, or else we wouldn't see the most educated leader of the country leave the sinking ship, brilliantly washing all the blood in his hands and expertly transferring to his ex-guru- the feared one! I love how one conman ups the ante on the other!
What irks me most about this whole situation is that now I'll have to read a dozen op-eds everyday from the so called "experts" in the media outlets. And equally annoying status updates from my family, friends, and relatives in Facebook, who will all proclaim how just and progressive they are by bashing either India, Indian-looking Nepalis, or simply any Nepalis and provide an apt solution that will make Nepal prosperous. I am already nauseated!
And Nepal, as we know, is the country of experts. So, the journalists (celebrities) who are to report the incidents in unbiased fashion from the field will sit in a panel of political experts in the capital. Political pundits will be busy giving homeopathic solutions to cancer and diabetes in the social media. Politicians will be busy striking against medical institutions to save their investment just in case there's an impartial investigation. Doctors will be busy giving USMLEs. And social media will be busy forming the #hashtags.
But not to worry folks - there's a respite ahead: Dashain is around the corner. And by the time the festival ends, I am sure we'll have found a new tinder to light the jungle. Perhaps, there'll be a popular singer from SIKKIM who doesn't want to be called a Nepali. Or North Korea will proclaim Buddha as its own. Or even better, maybe Paras will have quit his marijuanic obsessions and come back as a yoga guru.
How do I know all this?
I am a Nepali: An expert in anything and everything.
